Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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