Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Found the puke drawer
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
