Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
