Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize