Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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