Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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