Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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