You don't have asthma, your pregnant
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
