Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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