apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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