How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
is it fun? or sober?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
