I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
