i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
