some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
did you just send me my own nude
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
