Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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