Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
