So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
