Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize