im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
