Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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