Porn is love you can see.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
