it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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