yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
