i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
