The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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