you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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