ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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