You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
