Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize