it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
