Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize