When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
