Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
