I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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