WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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