i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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