Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
