HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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