i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
