dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
