shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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