She is in my trunk
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
3 2 1 whiskey
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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