Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
