Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
