The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
