I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize