and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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