My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
