He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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