I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
