My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
