woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
NoShamevember. You game?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
