He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
