I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
