whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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