Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
