it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
