I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
