im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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