and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
