so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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