I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
