I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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