this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
