I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
