the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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